Not innocent, not guilty either

Not every sunset is peaceful. Today, I know for sure. When you are sitting alone, your mind brings up things, and sometimes it could be unpleasant. It brings up your past, or worse, it brings up your mistakes from the past. It will take you back to the things that you aren’t very proud of.

There things we did and decisions we made with our conscience that was totally and completely wrong. The moment we think of everything, guilt settles in. We feel unclean; our life seems to be tainted. For all the good things we did, the mistakes haunt us like a ghost, giving us chills. Suddenly they become the highlight of our lives. We start digging up the old graves and moreover, blaming what happened for what we are going through now. Maybe it has nothing to do, maybe it does. Does it matter though?

I guess none of us has had a perfect life with nothing to repent; a life where you have no mistakes to reflect upon. Where everything is okay and dull too. We did what we did. Back then, we were not aware of where it might lead us to, or maybe we did but still went ahead. Aware or unaware of the consequences we jumped into something, or say a lot of things, that we should never have. But now, as of this moment, if we were given one chance to go back and undo something- just one thing- we will be only left confused with which one would make you feel better, which one will make all the dominos fall right this time, which one of it was the worst mistake of all.

“Mistakes are a reminder that we are trying”

 Mistakes are meant to happen, that is how we know we are trying, trying very hard, to live. To experience something we never did before. We all are guilty of something- we all left our element of innocence far behind on the road, the same one that leads us where we are now. But that doesn’t mean we have to serve guilty time deep down in our hearts. We learned a lot, but one thing we all need to learn is to live with our mistakes, accepting them and not letting them stop you from anything. Living with guilt from our pasts will confine us in a dark place, where none of us wants to be.

 Sometime from now, I might be sitting alone again, thinking of the lessons learnt from experience of things going wrong and decisions failed to make or opportunities ignored. I might as well write another blog post about it. For now, though, I am making a decision, that I, in no way, am letting my mistakes define me- in my own eyes as well as others.

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